How to Avoid Feeling Hurt by Your Married Children

How to Avoid Feeling Hurt by Your Married Children

When a child gets married, the parent's role must change as well. In reality, however, parents often end up hurting one another by continuing to meddle in their children’s lives. Now is the time to become a parent who sets wise boundaries, rather than relying on unconditional expectations or interference.

I also have a child who has left the nest and gotten married. I can't begin to express how lovely my sweet, wise daughter-in-law is. The problem arises when my son—who is used to receiving—fails to read the room even after getting married. That is when my worries begin.

These days, even if newlyweds are a dual-income couple, they often struggle financially due to high housing costs and inflation. Because of this, a gap exists between parents' expectations and children's reality. Holiday gifts and monetary gifts for parents are prime examples. Reality makes it difficult for children to meet their parents' expectations.

Conflict arises when expectations are not clear. Yet, what parent can bring themselves to demand a specific amount? In times like this, parents need to stand firm first and offer wise guidance. I once helped my son by anticipating my wife's expectations and giving him an appropriate sum of pocket money, setting a clear baseline for him.

Once I set a clear standard for parental expectations, my son realized what he had so carelessly overlooked. At the same time, he recognized the money I gave him not merely as cash, but as a deep gesture of affection and consideration, accepting it with gratitude and understanding.

In this way, setting wise boundaries before expectations grow too large can prevent unnecessary mind games and hurt feelings in advance.

If you don't express your thoughts, conflict only builds up. Enduring in silence while thinking, "They'll figure it out on their own," or swallowing your disappointment, is a shortcut to ruining a relationship. If parents have desires or standards, they must reveal their true feelings first. Accumulated disappointment eventually becomes a bomb.

Acknowledge that your daughter-in-law or son-in-law is fundamentally a stranger. To the in-laws, a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law is ultimately an outsider. Even inheritance law is cold and realistic enough to feel somewhat hurtful. Escaping reality only lets emotions overwhelm you.

Unrealistic expectations of treating them "like my own child" often lead to disappointment. Only when you recognize them as independent individuals—deserving of appropriate distance and respect—do you truly appreciate their presence.

If you sincerely congratulate your child on their independence, you as a parent must also achieve healthy independence from them.

When we set wise standards, express ourselves warmly, and maintain proper boundaries, both parents and children can sustain a happy, healthy relationship. 

Thank you.



#Parenting #MarriedChildren #HealthyBoundaries #FamilyRelationships #ParentingAdvice #EmptyNest