Do grandparents favor paternal or maternal grandchildren?

 Ahead of the upcoming holiday when the whole family gathers together, I would like to touch upon a sensitive topic today. It is about the inner, unspoken feelings of grandparents toward their grandchildren.

"Do grandparents favor paternal or maternal grandchildren?"

Here, we reveal the complex and candid feelings of grandparents. Modern grandparents show two entirely different styles of affection depending on the situation and the child.

The first is the affection toward maternal grandchildren, which stems from "daily caregiving and emotional comfort." Nowadays, grandparents feel an invisible barrier called "walking on eggshells around the daughter-in-law" when dealing with paternal grandchildren. Fearing that their actions might be uncomfortable, their expressions of love become cautious and formal. On the other hand, in front of maternal grandchildren born to their own dearly beloved daughter, all defenses drop.

Thanks to comfortable communication with their daughter, unconditional emotional bonding naturally occurs with maternal grandchildren. According to a 2005 study led by Professor Michalski at Oklahoma State University, the closeness felt toward grandparents ranked in the order of maternal grandmother, maternal grandfather, paternal grandmother, and paternal grandfather.

Similarly, the 2018 "Infant Care Support Survey" by the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs confirmed that caring for paternal grandchildren involves high stress due to relational friction with the daughter-in-law, whereas caring for maternal grandchildren yields much higher voluntary affection and emotional satisfaction.

This is also a natural result genetically. The probability that a child is the mother's is 100%, whereas the probability that a child is the father's is 50%. Therefore, children usually tend to receive greater love from their mother's side as they grow up. It is common to feel closer to aunts and uncles on the mother's side than those on the father's side.

However, a very interesting plot twist emerges. When the grandfather himself is the eldest son (or when referring to the eldest grandson of the main family lineage), a different emotion unfolds. Eldest grandsons often remember receiving "overwhelming love from their paternal grandfather and grandmother." This is because the eldest grandson holds an absolute status as the "symbol of the family line" and the "pillar that carries on the legacy"—far beyond mere daily comfort.

The awkwardness with the daughter-in-law becomes meaningless in front of the eldest grandson. While he may be just one of several grandchildren on the mother's side, on the father's side, he receives the "VIP treatment of the family lineage" with blind support and concentrated resources, leaving a strongly vivid impression of love.

In conclusion, two distinct forms of affection coexist in the hearts of grandparents: The "everyday affection" toward maternal grandchildren through comfortable communication with their daughter, and the "absolute affection" toward the eldest grandson, in which the pride and honor of the family bloodline are concentrated.

These two feelings are not a contradiction, but a natural expression of emotion shaped by the unique dynamics of each relationship. Please understand the true feelings of grandparents.

Wishing you a Happy Chuseok (Harvest Festival)! Thank you.

#PaternalGrandchildren #MaternalGrandchildren #WhoIsLovedMore #Parents #InnerFeelings